Pride.

With all of the s%&# going on lately, I have been wondering what I would do with myself once I actually got to my vacation. Work has been beyond hectic, and just before I left for Texas, my dad went into the hospital. I had done nothing but worry for days and days about not only what was happening to my dad 3,000+ miles away, but also what was going to be waiting for me at work after a week away. I've been overwhelmed for months and the workload just does not change. So I didn't know if I'd ever get to any real relaxation on this week off with everything else on my mind. Then I got to Austin. The infusion of good times, good people, and good food can have an amazingly refreshing effect on me. (Save for the sleeping on the floor part. I don't suggest it post-30th birthday). I won't even get into the details of how MUCH we ate, but I will say that Austin is an amazing place to chow down. And my BFF and I had ourselves an adventure over the course of 4 hazy days.

As fate would have it, one of our friends from high school & college also lives in Austin now. We had ourselves a little reunion of sorts laughing about all the stupid things we did in school. And we dragged his lovely boyfriend along with us, who was quite a trooper with our goofiness. So we sunscreened up and headed out to Austin Pride 2012. And for the first time in what seemed like months I felt at home. There is something about this particular group of people that speaks volumes to me - over and above being proud to be openly gay. These are amazing people. These are MY people. These are human beings who love life and who live it to the fullest - no matter what that means to them. LGBT and everything else in between - everyone accepts you. Everyone loves you for who you are. Everyone just wants you to be WHO YOU ARE. No one cares who you sleep with or that you like to dress up as the opposite sex. No one cares that you're weird or awkward or shy. They want you to know they love you just the way you are.

Of course there are exceptions. Everyone has catty bitch days. (Or lives.) But I'm talking about the feeling that I got there. And it filled me with my own kind of pride - one that I don't tap into nearly enough in my every day life. I shouldn't have to be covered in glitter and rainbows in order to feel happy and at peace with myself. Not once during the day did I worry about how I looked. If anything, I was dressed immensely tamely for that crowd. But I mean more along how I feel about myself - my weight, my self-consciousness in what I present to the world. Maybe it just takes a shock to the system to realize that HEY, I'm not so bad. And I've got an incredibly lucky life right now. I have a job, an apartment, family and friends who love me, and I wont for practically nothing. I have to keep the perspective I've gained here. I have to keep it with me all the time, so that I don't huddle into the darkness that sometimes overwhelms me.

I'm proud of who I am, and all that I've accomplished. I'm proud to be me. Now I just need to let that woman out so that she can meet someone else who can complement my life. Who can bring out that good side in me. I don't know who that will be, or even what gender that person may have. But I know now that I will be comfortable enough with myself to let someone else in. Let the dice fall where they may.

Oh, Danny.

Why is it that people crying (comically, of course), makes me laugh SO HARD?

Examples Something's Gotta Give - Diane Keaton



And this:

Did something rash

Ok, so...

I've been a bit frustrated/bored with work lately and started to daydream about new careers. First it was flight attendant.

Flight Attendant

So the thing you have to understand is that I spent a lot of my childhood on planes. Once a month from roughly the ages of 7 - 16 I flew by myself to visit my dad. I lived in Southern California, and my dad lived in San Francisco. (Which, coincidentally a decade later, is still my favorite city and I would love to live there one day.) It's not really like I admired them so much or that I thought what they did was so cool, but I always thought that I could do that - could travel the world and go anywhere I wanted and see everyone in my life that I miss and I wouldn't be in an office anymore!

Then, of course, I start to read up on the job. Long hours, insomnia, never staying in the same place for very long, crappy flights until you have worked there long enough, competition to get the job in the first place, and needing to know multiple languages to get International flights. And while I still thought I might do it, I was informed that my bff didn't want me to, for fear I might crash or something. A transcript with another friend:

me: I was thinking about becoming a flight attendant, but my best friend won't let me because she's afraid of wondering if I'm dead somewhere in the ocean every day
B: lol
a girl i dated was one
of those
she said it was MAD crazy fun
me: Who did she work for?
It seems like it's really a lot of work, though
B: american
it is
me: was she on int'l flights?
B: and you get shitty shifts when you 1st start
me: yeah
I figured
B: she did a few
i havent talked to her in a few months though
LOL
me: awww
sad panda!
B: i know
me: She was just on the go too much, eh?
Oh, and the hours
And the insomnia
madness
B: yeah
but you get to go around places
meet people
i should do it for a while
haha
all the cute girls i'd meet
..................
hm
me: ooooohhhhhhh
B, let's both do it!
We would have SO MUCH FUN
Even on the shitty shifts
B: yeah no kidding
i'll apply see what happens
me: party in a different city every night
B: what airline you thinking?
me: I'm not sure
I need to relearn a language first
So I can get on int'l flights
Those are totally better
B: pffft
we can work the regular ones and i'll teach you languages
me: hehe
I've got a little spanish
I want to learn sign
and italian
and french
and japanese
11:51 AM B: i can teach you all of those
me: nahhh
How you talk
B: yeah
i know all of those
nerd
me: suuuuuuuuuure
ok, let's DO IT
c'monnnn
B: i'm serious
i do
me: I know
B: and i could teach you
me: :)

Okay, so I've gotten off track. The title of this post is that I did something rash. Basically, when my friend convinced me that I shouldn't be a flight attendant, she suggested web designer. Sure, why not? I've got good computer skills & a decent sense of artistry & design. So I signed up for a class at the local JC. And then went to the library at lunch & got the only 3 books on the subject they had. (It's the smaller library). Wheeeee!

Waking up is hard to do.

Especially when you wake up with this stuck in your head.

I Want To Bee-Lieve

I want the next X-Files movie to be called:

The X-Files: The Gig Is Up.

And it's just Mulder & Scully making out for an hour and a half. I'd watch that.

I wanna marry yooooooouuuuu...

I have a new work friend, named Paula. I have to literally stop myself from singing,

"Heyyyy Heyyyyyyyyy, PAULA."

Every time I see her in the hallway.



We had a fun lunch today, though. It's so nice to get out of the office, and get to know new people. I tend to hide out in my little world and not try to branch out, but being in this crazy environment has sort of forced me to. It's good, I think. We split Cheese fries. And who doesn't want a friend who will do that? :)

Dr. Freud, paging Dr. Freud...

As I'm sitting here about to type in an entry, the operator comes over the loudspeaker...

"Anastasia ***, please dial the operator. Anastasia ***, please dial the operator."

And I actually had to pause to think, "Is that for me?"

I think I need to start using my other pseudonyms for awhile.

Rambleocity

Did I tell you the internet went down last week for 4 hours?

Because it did.

And I thought I was going to shoot someone. Clearly the need for a break from technology would be helpful for me. (Not that it's going to happen any time soon, but it would be helpful.)

In other non-related items, I have a couple of work friends that I do the lunch thing with from time to time (usually at least once a week), and two of them are named Jenny. (It's like the 80s' all over again!)

It’s pretty interesting, because one was someone I hadn’t really seen since High School Marching Band (geek alert!!!), and the other I thought was my age. I was incorrect.

Though we share the same birthday (and I haven’t met someone with my same birthday… ever), she is FIVE YEARS YOUNGER than me. *ahem* This place sometimes makes me feel old. I’m on of the newbies in this department/company, but I’m seriously older than about 6 people around me. (And muuuuuuch younger than the other 10). It’s an interesting environment, needless to say. But everyone’s cool, so it works. For the most part.

"New" job

Every time I have to send out an email to a new contact, I begin with this standard paragraph:

"I'd like to introduce myself to you. My name is *blah* and I am now your dedicated Representative on the *blah* team for your area. Blah blah blah..."

But every single time I think about this and go to find the example to cut & paste I sing in my head, "Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is HOV..."



And I crack up, but to myself. And I can't tell anyone why, mostly because I doubt they would get the joke. So not only do I (always) look crazy because I talk to myself, I also LAUGH to myself.

So it goes.