To know that you feel the same as I do Is a three-fold, Utopian dream.

Last night I dreamed that someone threw me a very large birthday party, somewhere off the Coast and in this huge wooden area. I ran around climbing trees like a monkey and left my Blackberry up there. Meanwhile, everyone I know (and then some) were wandering around, someone hands me my phone from the tree and I have 30 missed calls from people that can't find the party and need directions. All of those people are "friends" from Facebook that I haven't seen in years. Someone invited the band Incubus to play, so I go over to say hello to the guys and ask them where they're going to setup, etc. We all end up wandering behind the stage and find a large warehouse filled with marshmallows and assorted warehouse equipment. The guys (and their groupies) start chasing each other around driving those pallet movers. Left them there to play and go have a fabulous time in the woods with hundreds of people I don't know. The band comes back just at dawn and says they're sorry they didn't play last night, but they've written a song about me and it will be on their next album.

Boosh.

Grand Total = 4

That would be the number of people in the last week that told me I should be blogging professionally.

You know, because I'm funny.

And why can't I make money doing... that?

Well, I'll tell you why. Yes, YOU. Ok wait, what was I talking about again? Oh right, blogging. It was after number 2 that I remembered I actually HAD a blog. That I hadn't updated in, oh, 2 years or so. (You mean this old thing?) So... yeah. Maybe I should update THAT and start writing! What fun would ensue.

Here's the thing - nearly every time I sit down to write I get nearly panic-ridden and sweaty and I think... I can't actually just SAY what I'm thinking! It has to have MEANING. It has to be PROFOUND. It has to incorporate every aspect of my personality, my verve, my joie de vivre! (Yes, I had to look it up to make sure I spelled it right.) I also had the thought that I'm only funny because of my inflection. Also that I forget half of the funny things I say 5 minutes after I say them. (How many more excuses can I come up with???)

So here I am, and I'm back to this fun little experiment in public/private/persona (ness)? Sure, I'll go with that. I only hope that I can make a few of you laugh in the process. (And forgive me if occasionally I get a little rambunctious, serious, preachy, or deep. Hey, it could happen!)

Who says I can't have red velvet cake for dinner?

I think it's a perfectly acceptable meal. As Bill Cosby said - there's eggs, flour, milk... NUTRITION!

Although I suppose to counter balance that I'll need to eat nothing but veggies tomorrow for the fiber.

Being a grown-up is TOTALLY overrated.