NO means NO

I finally saw people on the street corner by my office with "NO on Prop 8" signs. It gave me chills. (In a good way.)

After 3 weeks of seeing nothing but hatemongering people pretending to be these fake positive citizens with their yellow signs full of lies in this wreck of a conservative mecca, I feel hopeful. I waved, gave two thumbs up, smiled and honked. I felt like I was FINALLY somewhere I could be proud of people. It feels like it's been forever. I need to get out of this town.

Emily, your couch is still available, right?...

Agree with me, ok?

So am I the only one who doesn't appreciate Microsoft products turning my ":)" into an actual right-side-up round circle happy face? I have to hit delete every time so that it goes back to being a nice, normal SIDEWAYS smiley.

This post brought to you by the letter: STFU.

:)

Eyeballs.

Since I haven't had my eyes looked at in over a decade, I wasn't really prepared for the exam. First stick your chin here. Then they zoom this thing in, I focus on a picture of a hot air balloon down a long road, and it gives a basic guess as to your prescription. Then you go from there to the exam room. They ask some questions on your history; do you smoke, any problems, etc. Then the part that I expected - which is clearer? 1 or 2? Read the smallest line you can. But then there were the drops.

He said, "I'm going to put drops in your eyes, but they won't affect your vision."

Gave it a second to do what it needed, and handed me a tissue to blot my eyes with.

It was like that creepy yellow bastard in Sin City (@ :40 & 1:20 marks)

when he bled and it was neon yellow. NEON YELLOW CAME OUT OF MY EYES.

That's just not right.

Oh, Danny.

Why is it that people crying (comically, of course), makes me laugh SO HARD?

Examples Something's Gotta Give - Diane Keaton



And this:

SO incredibly messed up.

I watched the first two episodes of Dexter last night, on recommendation from a friend.

That show? Is SO FUCKED UP.

And I'm almost afraid to admit... that I liked it. I almost feel like it is so creepy and bizarre that I shouldn't like it.

But I kinda do. Plus, the mild mannered gay brother from Six Feet Under is killing people now.

Awesome.

Did something rash

Ok, so...

I've been a bit frustrated/bored with work lately and started to daydream about new careers. First it was flight attendant.

Flight Attendant

So the thing you have to understand is that I spent a lot of my childhood on planes. Once a month from roughly the ages of 7 - 16 I flew by myself to visit my dad. I lived in Southern California, and my dad lived in San Francisco. (Which, coincidentally a decade later, is still my favorite city and I would love to live there one day.) It's not really like I admired them so much or that I thought what they did was so cool, but I always thought that I could do that - could travel the world and go anywhere I wanted and see everyone in my life that I miss and I wouldn't be in an office anymore!

Then, of course, I start to read up on the job. Long hours, insomnia, never staying in the same place for very long, crappy flights until you have worked there long enough, competition to get the job in the first place, and needing to know multiple languages to get International flights. And while I still thought I might do it, I was informed that my bff didn't want me to, for fear I might crash or something. A transcript with another friend:

me: I was thinking about becoming a flight attendant, but my best friend won't let me because she's afraid of wondering if I'm dead somewhere in the ocean every day
B: lol
a girl i dated was one
of those
she said it was MAD crazy fun
me: Who did she work for?
It seems like it's really a lot of work, though
B: american
it is
me: was she on int'l flights?
B: and you get shitty shifts when you 1st start
me: yeah
I figured
B: she did a few
i havent talked to her in a few months though
LOL
me: awww
sad panda!
B: i know
me: She was just on the go too much, eh?
Oh, and the hours
And the insomnia
madness
B: yeah
but you get to go around places
meet people
i should do it for a while
haha
all the cute girls i'd meet
..................
hm
me: ooooohhhhhhh
B, let's both do it!
We would have SO MUCH FUN
Even on the shitty shifts
B: yeah no kidding
i'll apply see what happens
me: party in a different city every night
B: what airline you thinking?
me: I'm not sure
I need to relearn a language first
So I can get on int'l flights
Those are totally better
B: pffft
we can work the regular ones and i'll teach you languages
me: hehe
I've got a little spanish
I want to learn sign
and italian
and french
and japanese
11:51 AM B: i can teach you all of those
me: nahhh
How you talk
B: yeah
i know all of those
nerd
me: suuuuuuuuuure
ok, let's DO IT
c'monnnn
B: i'm serious
i do
me: I know
B: and i could teach you
me: :)

Okay, so I've gotten off track. The title of this post is that I did something rash. Basically, when my friend convinced me that I shouldn't be a flight attendant, she suggested web designer. Sure, why not? I've got good computer skills & a decent sense of artistry & design. So I signed up for a class at the local JC. And then went to the library at lunch & got the only 3 books on the subject they had. (It's the smaller library). Wheeeee!

How?

How did I ever live without Google Reader/RSS feeds?

Seriously, how?

The beginning of "the book"

Subtitled: Things that make me think I really need to get on this.
Subtitled again: Wrong person, right idea.
Subtitled again again: I should be working more at work.

1:33 PM me: http://redactedblog.blogspot.com/2008/07/how-i-see-world-differently-now-since-i.html
You HAVE to watch the video.
1:36 PM J: WTF?
1:38 PM J: what is that about?
1:40 PM me: I can't figure out what the hell that video is from
Some random ass b movie
J: why did the sharks only eat men in tuxes?
1:42 PM me: Because he's classy, J.
OBVIOUSLY

Sir Mix-Tape-a-Lot

Had a good run on the iPod shuffle & thought it might make for a good mix.

Fiona Apple - To Your Love
NIN - Closer
Radiohead - Airbag
Foo Fighters - See You
Steely Dan - Black Friday
Prince - U Got The Look
Maroon 5 - Back At Your Door
Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone
Beck - Ghettochip Malfunction (Hell Yes)
Common - Faithful (ft. John Legend & Bilal)
Garbage - Wicked Ways
DMB - Stay (Wasting Time)
Foo Fighters - All My Life
DJ Danger Mouse - Allure (from the Grey Album)
Lily Allen - Everything's Just Wonderful
Justin Timberlake - Cry Me A River
readysuits - Spies
Marc Cohn - Walking in Memphis
Incubus - Nebula

Seems like a pretty good mix of the different kinds of music I'm into. It also makes me think I need to keep adding to the pod... haven't gotten obsessed with it in awhile. Have been obsessing over burning DVDs for people of stuff they need to watch/listen to. (I download a lot for certain people, who shall EJG remain nameless. I also recently got the John Adams miniseries for my grandma to take home with her because she doesn't have TV at home. It is something like 8 hours long! Holy crap nuggets!

Waking up is hard to do.

Especially when you wake up with this stuck in your head.

I need to stop reading the Craigslist "Best Of" section.

ALL UTIL. INCLUDED!!! THIS IS THE ONE YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!!

GORGEOUS 10 x 14 BEDROOM, DRENCHED WITH LOTS OF AFTERNOON SUNLIGHT, GENEROUS CLOSET SPACE, CLEAN BATHROOM, NICE COMMON SPACE AND STORAGE. W/D IN BASEMENT (COIN-OP ALTHOUGH LANDLORD IS IN PROCESS OF MAKING IT FREE!) AND ELEC/COOKING GAS/HI-SPEED INTERNET/TRASH PICK-UP INCLUDED IN RENT. STREET PARKING. CLOSE TO HOSPITALS AND SOME SHOPPING.

LIVE WITH TWO QUIET ROOMMATES BOTH STUDENTS (ONE INTERNATIONAL)
NO DRINKING/DRUGS, CALM LIVING ENVIRONMENT FOR RIGHT INDIVIDUAL
WITH REGULAR HOURS.

THERE IS ONE SMALL CATCH THAT HAS NOT BEEN A PROBLEM AT ALL WITH PREVIOUS TENANTS. BEDROOM MUST BE SHARED WITH APPROX. 700 LB. ADULT MALE SILVERBACK GORILLA. THIS IS AN EASTERN LOWLAND GORILLA WHO IS FAIRLY DOCILE ALTHOUGH HE DOES NEED TO "STRETCH HIS LEGS" FROM TIME TO TIME. HE FEEDS ON FRUITS AND LEAVES AND HAS SOMEWHAT OF AN INTENSE SEXUAL APPETITE.

BIG KITCHEN WITH BREAKFAST AREA. BEDROOM WINDOWS FACE REAR COURTYARD NO TRAFFIC NOISE! SOMEWHAT LOW CEILINGS BUT GUT RENOVATED WITH HARDWOOD FLOORS AND ORIGINAL MOLDINGS.
NOT RAILROAD! SEPARATE ROOMS WITH TWO ENTRANCES. SECOND FLOOR WALK-UP.

YEAR LEASE REQUIRED.
FIRST AND LAST PLUS SECURITY. TOTAL OF $1155 MOVE-IN COST.
THIS WILL NOT LAST. NO BROKERS PLEASE.

• Location: BUSHWICK

So what exactly is the problem here? What's so funny about this? Gorillas need love too!

I Want To Bee-Lieve

I want the next X-Files movie to be called:

The X-Files: The Gig Is Up.

And it's just Mulder & Scully making out for an hour and a half. I'd watch that.

I wanna marry yooooooouuuuu...

I have a new work friend, named Paula. I have to literally stop myself from singing,

"Heyyyy Heyyyyyyyyy, PAULA."

Every time I see her in the hallway.



We had a fun lunch today, though. It's so nice to get out of the office, and get to know new people. I tend to hide out in my little world and not try to branch out, but being in this crazy environment has sort of forced me to. It's good, I think. We split Cheese fries. And who doesn't want a friend who will do that? :)

Dr. Freud, paging Dr. Freud...

As I'm sitting here about to type in an entry, the operator comes over the loudspeaker...

"Anastasia ***, please dial the operator. Anastasia ***, please dial the operator."

And I actually had to pause to think, "Is that for me?"

I think I need to start using my other pseudonyms for awhile.

Rambleocity

Did I tell you the internet went down last week for 4 hours?

Because it did.

And I thought I was going to shoot someone. Clearly the need for a break from technology would be helpful for me. (Not that it's going to happen any time soon, but it would be helpful.)

In other non-related items, I have a couple of work friends that I do the lunch thing with from time to time (usually at least once a week), and two of them are named Jenny. (It's like the 80s' all over again!)

It’s pretty interesting, because one was someone I hadn’t really seen since High School Marching Band (geek alert!!!), and the other I thought was my age. I was incorrect.

Though we share the same birthday (and I haven’t met someone with my same birthday… ever), she is FIVE YEARS YOUNGER than me. *ahem* This place sometimes makes me feel old. I’m on of the newbies in this department/company, but I’m seriously older than about 6 people around me. (And muuuuuuch younger than the other 10). It’s an interesting environment, needless to say. But everyone’s cool, so it works. For the most part.

Post Script to the last post

P. to the S. I think I need to stop listening to the Grey Album. Maybe. But I've got the new iPod and it is FAAAANCYYYYYY. And I am having the most fun filling it back up again. I love having one that actually WORKS!!!! :)

The old one – was from... oh crap, I got it for xmas... when I still lived in California but before I moved away to college... and Keith was just a baby (10)... So I guess it was 7 years old? And has barely worked for the last year or two. But I've been babying it as much as possible, not wanting to blow cash on a "frivolous" item. (And still saving up to buy that new car.)

But now that I have it? I use it ALL THE DAMNED TIME. I can't imagine life without it now! At work & need to focus? Throw on the iPod. On break & walking, need to drown out the noises of the industrial sector I work in? Bring the iPod. Going to the gym & need tunes? Clearly time for iPod. Driving anywhere and the radio antenna AND CD player are both broken? IPOD IT IS! (Tape adapter. Thank GOD that still works. Knock on wood.)

Hence, therefore, vis a vis, concordantly, ergo...



I am happy with the purchase of the new pod. (The fact that it froze up on me on day THREE was worrisome, as was the 10 d-bag Apple store employees loitering around an empty store that wouldn't couldn't help me because the "genius bar" was full and could they MAKE ME AN APPOINTMENT FOR TOMORROW filled me with rage.

But that was last week and now it's almost full and hasn't frozen since then and so there you go.

"New" job

Every time I have to send out an email to a new contact, I begin with this standard paragraph:

"I'd like to introduce myself to you. My name is *blah* and I am now your dedicated Representative on the *blah* team for your area. Blah blah blah..."

But every single time I think about this and go to find the example to cut & paste I sing in my head, "Allow me to reintroduce myself, my name is HOV..."



And I crack up, but to myself. And I can't tell anyone why, mostly because I doubt they would get the joke. So not only do I (always) look crazy because I talk to myself, I also LAUGH to myself.

So it goes.

I know, I know. I have things to do.

I have work piling up and emails to return and computer babble to convert and review and other assorted tedium.

But it's Thursday afternoon. And tomorrow is the 4th of July. And I just don't have the brain matter available to get all that done. I just don't. Half of our staff is gone (physically or mentally), and hey guess what I'm not explaining myself to you! (Not that you asked me to.)

ANYWAY.

This may be the BEST "best-of" Craigslist ad ever. EVER. In all of creation and humanity, there has never been such a glorious want ad. I think you'll all understand when you read the following: Wait until you get to 'glistening love sword.'

Silda Spitzer, I will totally do you. - m4w
Date: 2008-03-12, 11:11AM EDT


Dear Silda Spitzer,

I'm not sure why Eliot needed to stray; the deeper afflictions that arise during married life are a private affair (pardon) and to speculate or analyze about them is pointless and cruel. I'm sure you and your husband both have difficult characteristics that drive you to distraction or worse. I am here to tell you that none of those things matter to me, because I do not want to marry you, Silda, I want to fuck you.

Silda, let's face it, you're hot. Aitch-Ayy-Double-DoubleYew-Tee. Hawwt.

I'm no great catch and have a tendency to be a bit of a prick, but hey, when you're standing there next to Eliot, humiliated, thinking "I can do better", are you really thinking about how much better? No. What's important right now is for you to dish it back, to arch your back and take it doggie-style with a thumb up your butt for good measure, to look back over your shoulder and see a different balding, self-righteous, smirking white guy grunting away and slapping your ass.

I am taller than Eliot.

When we move to the floor and hit the mish, you can reflect on your options: go for the divorce, the family-rending heartache with the big payday? Or stay together, knowing the payout might be just as good if you're good at slinging the guilt. Either way, Eliot's going to be out of a job for a while. Either way, I'm happy to diddle your clit.

Personally, my advice is to wait it out. I mean, Hillary has done pretty well, right? You never know how these things will go. I have had my share of ups and downs, too... and I'm not going to claim I'm any kind of a prince (or an ethics crusader). I have beat a man nearly to death, stolen candy from children, and yes, I'll admit it dirty girl, I'm an atheist. MMmmmm. Like that? None of my personal ups and downs matter anyway, Silda, because with me it's your ups-and-downs, on my glistening love sword, that matter.

I'll be waiting, Babe. Oh, and one more thing... I'll only tap you for $78.50 an hour. And that's negotiable, if you're up for anal.


Call me.

This is starting to feel like a "real" job...

And you know how much I attempt to steer clear of that.

Monday morning drive to the Anaheim Convention Center wasn't too bad. The traffic was minimal and I was able to stop by a Jack-in-the-Crack on the way for a tiny breakfast thing & a big cuppa fruit. (I'm working on the healthy lifestyle, I really am!) Now, not only did I used to live around that area for 2 years, but I've also been to Disneyland in the last 2 months. And yet... I'm in the far left lane, according to Yahoo maps, prepared to turn left onto Katella...

and I pull into the Disneyland parking lot. The funniest thing about that, I think, is that when I pulled in and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come in here!", the guy just walked over to the other side of the booth & grabbed a neon pink slip of paper that said EXIT, slipped it under my windshield wiper & pointed. As if to say, "Okay, dumbass. Get out of my sight."

So I finally park and get over to the auditorium at 12, go through registration, and meet with my crew at 12:15. I immediately ask my little 24 year old colleague if she brought the paperwork I needed for my meeting that afternoon. She didn't. (The project wasn't completed in time for me to grab it Friday afternoon, so she offered to bring it for me.) So instead of wandering all around the convention to see what all was around and fun, I spent the next hour and a half standing in line at the tiny little Fed Ex booth waiting to use their computer & printer. Unfortunately once I got the spreadsheet open, I realized that it was over 50 pages, unformatted. So I printed out what I thought were the most important pages, ran to the restroom to put yet another band-aid on my aching feet (word to the wise - though they look cute, hells are NEVER good to wear all day long and I know better), and headed back over to our company's booth.

Now, I was absolutely positive that my meeting wasn't until 4 pm, so when the gals said they were going to lunch around 1:30, I figured I had enough time to walk over with them and get back in plenty of time. My Sales guy came over to tell me it was actually at 3, not 4, and they didn't end up leaving until after 2:30 anyway, so no go there. The meeting was... interesting. Not really knowing what to expect from this particular customer, I mostly just listened and piped in here and there when there was something I actually understood & could contribute. Mostly I think we took the meeting so that the head woman could vent at us. She was quite the character, really. Not mean at all, just kind of intense. All in all, it was a decent first attempt at meeting with a big customer. (Mostly because I kept quiet and nodded a lot.)

Did I mention that by about 10 minutes into this Convention Center I was dripping with sweat? I was told to wear a business pants suit, as were all of my colleagues. I was the only one who did so. My two little early-20's cohorts were dressed very nicely, but in little skirts and breezy blouses. If only I had that kind of wardrobe... but I don't and I can't tell you how disgusted I was with the sheer volume of fluids pouring out the back of my head. It's just not right. Not right at all.

The ride home was a bit traffic laden, since I left Anaheim right smack dab in the middle of rush hour traffic, but man oh MAN was I glad to be home. And then there were only 3 more work days left in the week!

Happy early 4th of July!

I believe the words I'm searching for are, "Hummina hummina hummina..."

Any excuse to show off Robert Downey, Jr. Also playing with blogger - you know, once you figure these things out you just want to make it pretty and shiny. Or add numerous pictures and widgets and quizzes and such. I'll stick to the pretty for now. Inn't he purdy? Thanks to my new favorite writer for the idea & the pic: The Park Bench.

Live every week like it's Shark Week

Gone to Alaska. stop. Will return with brown bear. stop. Might freeze nips off. stop. Send Hot Pockets. stop.

You want for me to put peanut butter cups in your eggs?

Anybody want to make me this cake? (Scroll down a bit.)

Nudge Nudge Wink Wink KnowWhatIMean KnowWhatIMean?

I'm talking to YOU. You know who you are.

Things that don't happen to real people

Subtitled: You only hear about this in the news, you never actually KNOW someone it's happened to

Got a call from my father earlier today. He lives in Virginia, in an affluent neighborhood in Arlington - roughly 10 miles from Washington, DC. I myself lived in the area for a few years, and always felt incredibly safe there. For even with its' proximity to the alleged "Murder Capital of the World", it really never seemed like a dangerous place to live.

Two days ago my aunt went grocery shopping in the neighborhood. For reasons beyond our comprehension, the car was turned on while she loaded her groceries in the back of her Ford Explorer. In the meantime, a man who had just robbed a store 3 blocks away at gunpoint was running from the police. He threw her to the ground, hopped in and took her entire life away from her. She had keys, her purse & wallet, groceries, cell phone, cash, and all of the medications she takes to survive. She's been quite ill for the last few years, and without the meds she's going to start having some serious problems.

The only information they have now is a photograph from the store's parking lot cameras, as well as a photo of her throwing an apple at him as he drove away. (Somehow there's humor in that, so please feel free to laugh. If you knew her, you'd be on the floor.)

Three weeks ago while my Toyota 4Runner was sitting in the parking lot at work, someone decided to steal my catalytic converter. And according to reports, I live and work in the "Safest City in America". Seriously, we've been in the top 5 for like... ever.

What the fuck is going on here? What makes people violate another human being in this way? I am absolutely flabbergasted at the thought of it.